[Jubs]

Hi to you all. I had an awkward moment today, it started when I asked 3 year 7 girls who were name calling and rumour spreading about each other to come to my office to talk it through. I spoke to each girl separately to ascertain their side of the story and felt they were all being as bad as each other so told them all to either get along or not talk to each other as just arguing and fighting for the sake of it was no use to either of them. I offered them all the option to try a new tool that i had witnessed being used by The Scary Guy (and if you haven't seen him Google him as he is awesome!!!) It is called the 7 day and 7 night challenge. It involves not saying horrible things to another human being and only calling people by their proper names so no nick names or anything. I asked the girls to explain the task to their parent and invite them to participate in it with them as it is a fun activity.( it also show up how many times we do not call people by their real names and use even in fun derogatory names for each other). The 3 girls all see this as a bit of fun and wanted to give it a go so off they went. As they left my office I heard the girl who was adamant that she had not bullied anyone and played the victim well , who also said the task was too easy and could do it easily said to one of the other girls you are a grass and a snitch. I called her back and asked her why she said this as it meant she had not achieved 7 minutes let alone her 7 days and nights and she denied it. I told her to apologise and start again but she refused and just said I will start again anyway. At the end of the school day around 3-45 I had a phone call from this above mentioned girls mother saying that her daughter was in floods of tears and did not want to participate in the task. The mother as she felt she was the victim in all of this and should not have to be nice to people as name calling is a part of growing up and we all have to ignore it. I told her that by ignoring it it means that we accept it, and if we accept it we are allowing people to treat us in this way and the mother said I needed to let the kids sort it out themselves as her daughter is nearly a black belt in Judo and can look after herself if it gets nastier between the girls. I had another 15 minutes of abuse and a lecture on how this mother works with vulnerable 16-21 year olds in a hostel and it works this way for them so I need to let the girls sort it out for themselves. I challenged many of her theories and asked her how she would feel if I didn't intervene early and her daughter felt she was being bullied for a long period of time and stated to avoid coming to school or started to self harm as a result of the bullying she told me that then she would still be angry with me and this too would also be my fault. Eventually she said to me you will never win because even if I am wrong I still think I am right so either way you would be wrong. I thanked her for the conversation and told her that I would rather her be angry with me for doing my job than be angry with me for not doing it and assuming the girls would sort it out themselves. I have invited her in to see me to speak to me in person but she declined and has put obstacles in the way saying she is busy at the moment and can't come in for a while so I will have to wait until she is free, and of course I have agreed.

I do still feel early intervention is best to nip name calling and rumour spreading in the bud before it gets out of hand and does become bullying but just want others opinions on it for my own piece of mind.

So what do you think?

Thanks in advance Jubs

[Nina]

Hi Jubs,
See my reply below.

[Nina]

Nina, on 27 February 2010 - 11:22 PM, said:

Hi Jubs,
This is a very interesting issue you have highlighted. I know that in Norway teachers intervene as soon as they know bullying is going on and they bring the parents in to discuss the zero tolerance policy. They act quickly to stop any form of abuse. I really do agree with your policy that it is better to intervene early. I am very quick to stamp down on it at school. Children know that I will give immediate support should they feel threatened and I feel this is absolutely necessary to their well-being and sense of feeling safe at school. I was myself bullied at school and it has made me detest any form to abusive behaviour. If children are left to fend off bullies themselves, some will cope but many are fearful to come to school and it effects every aspect of their lives. Jubs, stick to your instincts. Deal with it straight from the start. Clear the air and continue to let kids know that "good citizens" are those who show each other respect. There is enough violence in the world and we have to teach our kids that it is wrong and unacceptable.

Nina

[Jubs]

Thanks for that Nina it is nice to know that others are doing the same. I have never been bullied at school myself but had a friend who committed suicide due to being bullied and I never spotted it, so that's why I am on it early now.

[stp10ben]

I agree, bullying is NOT something that you should just let the kids work out for themselves. If they could do that, then we wouldn't have bullying. Children, particularly pre-teens and teens, have so many conflicting emotions, they ALWAYS see themself as the victim. They need to be taught empathy and them we have a chance of getting them to see how senseless bullying is. I work K-6 teaching Year 4, and I don't tolerate bullying in my classroom (or in the playground) and the students know it. However, sometimes students in this age group don't realise when they are bullying, so we (as the responsible adults) have to teach them, so that they understand. Learning good citizenship is taught specifically, not caught by osmosis.

I suspect that the mother you had to speak to, was just making excuses for her daughter. No mother I know would expect their own child to 'work it out' by themselves.

Cheers
shz